BACK AGAIN

Some Overdue Venting

brytay82 — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:32:56 +0000

Damn, it’s been a minute since I took it old school & broke out the notepad & just vented like it’s nobody’s business. Sad to say, I’ve needed to do this for quite some time. Anyways, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve seen that my fatigue is beginning to catch up to me. The grind has been enough excitement for me to be quite honest. Going through each day never knowing what to expect makes it even more worthwhile in the long haul. If you think for the first second I can put all of this shit in my life together, then you’re dead-ass wrong. There are some things I wish could just easily flow together w/ no problem, while there’s some of it that’s just not gonna seem or feel right no matter what I try to do differently. The times when I think I’ve got the green light, I seriously need to look up & see that yellow light telling me to slow my ass down. I’m too stubborn for my own damn good. As always, it goes back to the main culprits & the reason I’m here…my mother & father. Just like I have my father’s heart, I sometimes seem to gain his stubbornness is a way that is just indescribable. I know there’s no one to blame but myself for the wrong that I do, but I really wish I could avoid the finger-pointing altogether. However, we all know that’s not gonna happen. Now, I’ve seen people put the blame on themselves EVEN when they aren’t in the wrong. You can’t control the actions of others, because controlling yourself is already a tall order to fill. You are sometimes forced to look @ certain circumstances from the big picture POV, & that’s normally where things have been known to be challenging.

Well, I hope that everyone has enjoyed these words, because whenever I flow, I try to let it flow from my mind & solely from my heart. That’s challenging at times, but it’s not all that bad if you think about it. Hope to re-gain my readers again . Peace peace.

Writing to Write

brytay82 — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 18:51:22 +0000

As of late, I’ve caught on to how challenging writing has been, but I don’t mind it one bit. One time, I was getting words & thoughts written left & right. Now, you have to embrace a GREAT thought as it occurs. As of late, I’ve seen people go into the Eddie Long story. I, however, can’t speak much on this subject, because I really have minimal to no knowledge about it. What I do wanna talk about that has somewhat to do with it is related to picking & choosing what to talk about where. Now, sometimes, I know that we have a tendency to chime into certain topics. However, we don’t have the knowledge on the subject. Then, the biggest thing that I have caught on to is how the “truth serum” forces out the truth about certain things (or shuts me down if I don’t feel like delving into the subject). For me, it’s plain & simple…religion, politics, sex, & race are all murky waters to tread into. The reason this is true is because no matter what you say, you can’t make everyone happy when talking about them, or even worse, someone gives their personal opinion (which may seem valid from their point of view) & that’s when things get tough. I know I talk all this BOOM & LooseCannon blah blah blah, but it’s tough to talk about what you really wanna talk about without worrying about stepping on people’s toes. I know that everyone expects me to be myself & keep it real. Most of the time, I don’t mind doing so. The problem with that though, is when you are then working to explain something you feel has no explanation. I’ve left many blogs unfinished & uncertain & this is definitely one of ‘em. The reason why is because it’s just tough to say what I feel w/o there being judgement or…SCREW THAT

Look, I’m gonna type as fast as I can & say what I want to say in this statement you’re about to read…if you wanna speak to me on something, JUST SPEAK ON IT. Plain & simple. People are so worried about if they ask me what I’m doing or if it’s a bad time. There will ALWAYS be a bad time, but in spite of we make time for what we make time for. We are given 24 hours a day, & we still complain there not being enough time. Well, I’ll put it like this, if there were more hours added to a day, would we cherish those, or would we sleep them away like most people do now? Some thoughts & stories you get tired of hearing about. I don’t like killing people with my struggles & frustrations of finding an IT job, because that’s something I have to deal with. I was the one who said the things I said & did the things I did. There’s no way of changing or modifying any of that. Point blank…just come correct or don’t come @ all. There are a lot of things I’m being forced to face in my life between my family & my friends & the possibility of dating and/or settling, so my heaviest weight is being carried as of late, but I’m working to handle it like everything else in my life. Anyways, that’s that & the Mad Blogga is BACK…just b on the lookout FLATLINE. Peace

Giving Me While Giving Up

brytay82 — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 18:32:23 +0000

So over the past few months, I’ve started to compile thoughts how much of a toll it’s become to give myself to others & have nothing to show for it. Don’t get me wrong, I get/gain from most of it, but I guess as of late, I’m feeling the furn of it. For example (and this may sound petty) but trying to show friends love or attention on either Facebook or Twitter (and even my true/real friends), I almost feel like someone becomes neglected in the end. Being a people please is IMPOSSIBLE. that’s the best way to put it…spreading myself thin is a challenge, & it becomes once I make it one. I know that most of my friends understand that I have quite a few things going on in my own life that I’m trying to deal with, but sometimes, I just want to make sure that most of my true friends understand that I know that they have been there through my best of times & even my worst of times. I wish there was really more I could write in this one, but I think I mainly summed it up in this blog. I have another quick one to post, but as always, all comments are welcome.

Writer’s Block

brytay82 — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 18:29:26 +0000

So, is anyone shocked to believe that I have actually gone through a bit of a writers block as to why I’ve kinda been on this quiet stint when it comes to writing? Normally, I’m posting statuses all day & night on Facebook & Twitter. Of course, this has forced my personal writing to slip off a little. I guess to share a brief update, I’m doing fine. Sorry to all of my avid writers are looking forward to reading some worthwhile words. Things for me have been pretty chill. I’ve been VERY focused on my life. Believe it or not, I’ve kinda gone through a bit of a growing phase as of late. Normally, I have been treaded on & people have treated me like crap. I kinda went away from those ways, because I wanted to call myself being nice, but of course, my niceness has been taken for granted, so over the past year, I’ve gone through a bit of a transition, starting w/ the whole Loose Cannon theory of just hitting people w/ the hard style. then, I had to come even hard w/ the tattoo. Some people reading this are going to be like “we already know why you got 151″, but for those who don’t, I’ll give the breakdown. The reason for getting the tattoo 151 is beyond the numbers 1-5-1 & the drink. For starters, YES, when I started drinking @ the ripe old legal age of 21, 151 was the first drink I had @ the bar. I didn’t know what I had tried, but I liked it of course. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t be drinking it to this day…7 years later (5+1+1=7). Then, whenever people ask me about what the drink refers to, I remind people that the drink is strong (which I’m working harder to become). And the key element behind the tatt is that I decided to get it black & red (which are my favorite colors). Now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, I’ll go into my next thing. I don’t want anything to be taken personal anywhere. If you feel a certain kinda way about what’s said, then just address me on it. I know that may be sticking my foot in my own mouth, but it’s no need having hostility about nonsense where there’s no need to have none. This is also another thing I gotta hit hard…if u have a vice (or thing u like to do), then u handle it. Don’t come to me handling your problems. I know that I like to write and I like to post blogs or whatever. I’m gonna make sure I can get access to a computer someway or somehow. Plain & simple. Same with drinking. I know that I love 151. If I can afford to have it on deck, then cool. If not, then I’ll downgrade, but still get my worthwhile sip and everything will b good. It’s no need making anything complicated when there’s no need to point blank. If you are so busy trying to keep up w/ me, then it’s time for you to add something to your routine. This is no direct sting to NO ONE on Twitter or Facebook or anyone who reads this & misinterprets something. Anyways, sorry for my lapse. I still have my other personal blogs that I wanna throw up here, & I haven’t forgotten to get ‘em poppin’. Enjoy & as always, comments r welcome.

Lambs vs. Wolves

brytay82 — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:51:36 +0000

Looks like I have a blog/topic that has really caught my eye from working @ the U (yes I’ve learned my lesson this time). Anyways, I feel that a unique pattern that’s come up is the way guys approach woman AMAZES & sickens me all in one. One of my co-workers made a comment that purely sums it up…men (and also women) come @ their “prey” one of two ways…either a wolf or the lamb. One thing I can say is that the way you see yourself & the way others see you are gonna be completely different. It’s a natural fact. For example (no help from the audience), I claimed myself to be 90% lamb & 10% wolf. Now, a lot of people who think they know me or REALLY do know me might have other thoughts, but I am the type of guy who doesn’t try to be aggressive if I can help it. I’ve seen the all-wolf, & I’ll admit that fellas, I respect your approach, but LADIES, be real, are you really into a guy who’s throwing all of his tricks @ you early? Think about it like this…if you see his full presentation NOW, what do you have to look forward to in the future? It’s a Catch 22 to it if you wanna be honest. This blog is gonna be tough, but I think I may be able to get through it. I initially went on Facebook & Twitter trying to find the answers from men (and women) about how much wolf & lamb they are. I got a ram from one of the fellas & it gave it a lil’ flair when writing, but I can see that the safest & simplest way to hit this one is by comin’ @ it from the guys POV (since I am a guy). As you read this, you’ll see that who you think you are might change…there’s no clear telling.

OK, I guess since I didn’t clearly give the comparison of the lamb’s approach vs. the wolf’s demeanor. Well, in a nutshell, the lamb is pretty laid-back and isn’t gonna talk to every woman that comes past her. He will let that one that he’s really into know what’s up, but it won’t be out the route to the point of a wolf. The wolf, however, is gonna holla @ every single fly fine fox that comes across her. Now, I didn’t realize how much I would delve into the zoo & all of these animals lol. Anyways, some of the girls like the wolf when he’s aggressive and assertive. The consistency is what becomes the x-factor for the ladies. If he tried all of these moves on you now, will he keep doing those things to wow you once he has you. There’s no need denying that women like someone who’s consistent & persistent in what they’re trying to do. The originality factor plays into it too. I just know that me personally I don’t have much of a demanding and pushing approach. I’m always gonna sit in the back and just watch and when I feel the time is right, I will slowly come correct & get to know her better. Most of the time, I will be strong w/ it depending on the crowd. My comfort plays a key role into it. Anyways, I know that women sometimes want a man to make it clear how he feels. If I’m either buying drinks or enjoying your company, then that should mean something. Hell, if I even buy your cigs or whatev, then that should give me some kudos of some sort. Many people have been trying to find out why I’m single and what happened. Well, that’s a conversation that won’t be exploited in this blog, because I’m not the type to expose business on Facebook or Twitter, because drama doesn’t sit well with me. OH, & here’s the key element to all of that wolf-preying and whatnot. When guys do this, it’s female management (or pussy management…sorry for the realness). Guys who go this route are trying to give each girl their attention or their proper smashing or touching. Then, when it comes to the lamb, he’s gonna give the effort to solely one woman. There may be others, & the woman may not be fond of this, but that’s where trust has to come into the equation. If it isn’t there, then the foundation is definitely going to be jacked up. I’ve tried to get people to know that yes I do have friends or may talk to people, but when a relationship is on my mind or in my presence, things change & everyone either respects it or gets to stepping. I think I have made my point in this one. Hope it hit home & I tackled the story as clear as I can. Look forward to the feedback. Take care.

Poetry of Prayer

brytay82 — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:44:59 +0000

Dear God
I’m not asking you for anything
For once
I want to just talk to You
How’s everything?
Good I hope
Me, I’m doing fine
I can’t lie
It’s been rough down here on Earth
But I know
That you already know this
No one said it would be easy
Living amongst these minor struggles
Of unemployment
And financial overwhelming
But in spite of it all
We’re still here
And we can only thank You for that
Because at any point
We could all
Have been wiped
From this Earth
So God
Thank you
For keeping us here
And allowing us to learn
That we still have something here
To live for
I hope that we all find our purpose
And as you read
Or hear this prayer
You understand
That I’m not asking for anything
I am mostly thankful
That I’m still here
And you’re keeping me here
To listen
Or share my insight
On certain topics
True it may sometimes be pretty blunt
And may hurt feelings
But the best thing to be
Is honest
And I hope that side of me
NEVER Changes
Thanks for listening as always
And I enjoyed talking to you God
I know that no matter what
You’ll always be there
Willing to listen
Hope you understood
My
Poetry of prayer

Motherly Blog

brytay82 — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 06:24:00 +0000

Well mom you’ve done it. Whatever it is you’ve done it. A year ago this day, you help me with establishing myself in trying to find my own place & I thank you for it. Now literally a year later, you see me moving once again. I thank you for all that you do. My dads help definitely doesn’t go unnoticed, but wow mom, what haven’t you been there for? When I received all those awards & medals in school or when I needed to make a phone call home because I was homesick, you were there. I’m blessed for all that you’ve done. Its been a major blessing in disguise. Talk about listening to my relationship woes. She’s invested 27 years in hearing all about the many things I’ve had to endure with some of the highs & lows involving women. I put a smile on her face when introducing her into my gadget world. When I decided to upgrade & she wanted to learn how to text via the (you ready for this) Sidekick 2. When I upgraded, she did too & I loved it. True she didn’t mess w/ the android game, but the latest jump into the BlackBerry world proved that she was a G…my G…Gladys. Mom, I love you. Sometimes I don’t do well with showing it, but I’m my fathers son. That excuse/card has probably been long burned, but looking back over it all, you’ve been there for me like a mother should be. If I didn’t do so already, thank you. I’m happy to be the man I am. I know that you see better than many people who see better if not the best. Its been a rocky road for me in many ways, but I’ve kept my hands on the world, the key in the ignition, & kept on driving. This phone I’m writing this blog from…yep she helped with it too, so even though it isn’t Thanksgiving, I certainly have a lot to be thankful for. Ok, every child knows when his point has been made, & I believe my friends that my point has clearly been made in this one. To my many readers both far & near, I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as much as I have enjoyed writing. Just like my blog says, I’m BACK AGAIN…for the very 4th time (signs of when the next blog may be on deck hmmmm).

Dependent on Being Independent (Closer)

brytay82 — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 18:17:43 +0000

So, I seriously thought I was done with this topic & avoiding this one, but I was wrong. It seems to stick to strong to me based on observing the previous loves of my life along with the multiple stories I have with many of my female friends. I’m gonna throw it out there in one sting…WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BREACH/BREAK THE WALL. Ladies & gentlemen, there is nothing wrong w/ being able & willing to do for yourself. Men really love a woman who can do for herself, but the problem that occurs is when pride is so stuck up your ass that asking or receiving help is gonna diminish your independent barrier. One word that a woman NEVER wants to be associated with is WEAK, but there’s never anything wrong with asking for or receiving help. Men, we need to improve on this too. We sometimes have a tendency to feel like because we’re men we don’t need no help from nobody, because we can do it. Well, I’m sad to say that there are some things we just can’t do. Now, for those of you who are gonna cross-reference me and say that some men can do women’s tasks & vice versa…YES that’s true. I know quite a few men who can clean ten times better than a woman & I also know some women who can change a tire with their eyes close. I state all that to say this…we all have things that we’re good at and there are things that we sometimes need help with. That’s why in the end, we have each other. To those who feel like they can do it all on their, then try to have sex with yourself. Now, yeah, I know a lot of you are gonna throw the infamous “I can ‘please’ myself”, but ain’t nothin’ like the real thing. Also, here’s another way of looking at it. Think about those nights when you lay in bed ALONE because you have no one to come chill & cuddle. That’s where that companion and affection comes into play. I don’t care what any independent or strong-willed person tells you, they have feelings and they’re affectionate. So now, next I gotta handle the hardball crew that is as tough as nails & can take on anything life brings their way. Yeah, they probably can, but when you think about it, all it takes it to think of something or be reminded of someone who means a lot to them that either isn’t here or isn’t a part of their lives for whatever reason. Just like Sade says, “have you ever seen a man break down”. If you have, then this means that he’s a REAL man who’s willing to show you his feelings. The same applies to women who let their layers of independent-like tendencies down. Whew…did I miss anything? I know if I did, my readers are gonna tell me as usual. You know I’m working my hardest to improve on everything life has to offer. I hope that this trifecta of blogging ties in everything that needs to be said about how tough it is being independent while being dependent on someone. I know that a lot of my readers will either say “what about…” or “what if…” & my personal favorite…”but you didn’t mention…”. Well, if there’s more you’d like addressed, then you know what to do. Mad Blogga doing what he does best…signing out.

One-uppers Toppers BEWARE

brytay82 — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:27:17 +0000

I’m writing this blog as a fair warning to those of you who know anyone who has a tendency to top or overpower to avoid these people. Let’s just say that you’re having a laid-back conversation related to how you went somewhere or did something. As soon as you share your news, instead of the person being a supporter or being proud of what you did, they have to say or do something that makes it seem like they have done something bigger or better. Yeah yeah yeah, this blog sounds like my old blog about people who do this, but thanks to a few of my friends, & sitting back thinking about about it, I’ve learned that more females are guilty of doing this. Now now now, before you jump down my throat, I will share with you firsthand that this was a WOMAN who shared this valuable information with me. I will give three examples of this & you will see exactly what I mean. A few years ago, I ended up cutting off one of my relationships/friendships with a female friend of mine because she practically contradicted herself with no possibility of going against what she felt. We were sitting down talking about how I post blogs (like the ones you read today) & the first words out of her mouth was that she thought blogging was very secular and that the topics that are addressed in most blogs are pretty boring and stupid. Now, I had no problem with it @ first, because that’s her opinion, & I’m cool with that. A few years had passed, & our friendship was basically like a light switch (off & on), but when it was working (on), she decided to share some news that basically fell on a dead ear by sharing that she posts blogs FOR MONEY. Now, when she first said it, I got really pissed because of the simple fact that not long ago, she forgot all about how she was bashing me for writing, but because she’s doing it for money and it’s in her field of computers, it’s a whole different monster. It was funny when my birthday came up and she was making some sorta effort to send me an e-mail saying Happy Birthday, & that really fell on dead ears. What’s worse…this isn’t the first time she did this crap. I told her I had the G1…which for me was a lot, but she has to throw and gloat about how she has the iPhone and how it’s better. Now, I wasn’t saying that she wasn’t valid, but it’s like her timing was jacked. OK, I’m gonna get off this one person & jump into a few different scenarios to confirm what I’m saying and “somehow” try to cap this blog off lol. WARNING…this blog is a bit long, so please invest a few minutes towards this one. I got on BlackPlanet a few days ago to make light convo w/ this girl just to get to know her or whatever. The convo went a little sour due to other reasons, but we were talking about some things such as me sharing that I went to Italy when I was little. Now, I know that was a bit of a topper moment, but she felt she had to be topped by saying that she has been everywhere. Wait, I’m sorry, did I really say it so that you could brag about what you’ve done lol. I didn’t say it bragging…it was to just tell you about me and all. Then, the other day, this was the 3rd confirmation that SOME females have to seem like they have to do things bigger and better. I tell her that I’m gonna help one of my friends with Math (now I’m sharing that I’m helping her with the Math because I have knowledge in Math). This fool takes it as though I’m asking her to come over and tutor her like I don’t know what I’m doing. “I have knowledge in Math. I tutor kids in Math for RPS”. WHO CARES…LET ALONE WHO ASKED U? I know I’m being a bit picky and fine-combing this blog, but you can’t say that there’s a topper everywhere you go. Now, whenever I think of men who do it, the first one that comes to mind is one of the guys who does talk radio for Sports Illustrated. Someone could come along and make a statement, & he will follow up with some type of over the top story that doesn’t fit. Don’t think that I’m letting men off that easy. There are some guys who feel like they have to brag about how much they spent or how much they did or how much they can bench press. I just notice that women have a tendency to do it a little MORE. Now, if you don’t agree with me, BRING IT!!!!! I just want this one cleared up for me in every way possible. Just let the conversation flow naturally…no need trying to stand out or make your story look or seem bigger when NO ONE CARES. I know that may sound heartless, but no one wants to have someone who is making it their goal to just stand out in EVERY conversation. It’s not cool. If you want to state something that is unique to spark convo…good. Otherwise, shut up about how many cars you have (that aren’t fully paid for) or how many purses you have (that aren’t keeping the lights on) or how many video game systems you have (that aren’t even yours). In a nutshell…NO ONE CARES. The humble people stand out. If you don’t believe me, try it.

This World of Mine

brytay82 — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:48:54 +0000

Thinking
Something I’m famous for doing
Whether it’s thinking of something good
Or something that’s pretty obvious
I’m always thinking
I sit and wonder sometimes
Did I do something wrong
Or miss a step
Or turn left when I shoulda turned right
Making these decisions in life
Is the reason why I am
Where I am today
Good friends
GREAT family
On my grind in the job
As well as in life
It’s hard out here
If no one tells you that it isn’t
They’ve lied
We all are forced to give our best
Knowing that our worst
Causes some trouble in the end
I don’t know about your world
But This world of mine
It’s off the chain
But it’s been a whirlwind of a world
I’ve been through it all
And plan to keep fighting
Because
This world of mine
Is MINE