IN THE HOUSE AGAIN

OK, you knew it was a matter of time before I have a massive writing breakdown. It’s actually better that I have the writing breakdown before the nervous one. Anyways, I gotta admit that the girlfriend storyline has been quite different. It’s kinda confusing to me right now. I know that I’m with someone, but it doesn’t even feel like it. Then, I’m wanting to be @ a different place in my life, but I can’t get it all the way I want. You have to mostly accept it for what it’s worth. I just hope that things get better @ some point in my routine. OK, this blog is kinda bland because I’m a little sleepy. Hopefully I’ll write more.

OK, I would like everyone to know in advance that tying the image to this blog will force you to understand it a lot better than if you take it as me literally committing or attempting suicide. I’ve been living for years & not once has this occurred. Now, with that disclaimer, let’s go on with the show…

Many times, you hear people talk or say that they wanna commit suicide. Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s really no laughing matter. However, some do & turn up successful sadly, while others attempt & fail on doing so, because its just not their time. Toying with when God has you planned to go is not cute @ all. Anyways, that’s not where I’m going. What I wanna get into (finally, he’s gonna write what all the hype is for) is what type of suicide letter many people leave. Do they leave one for their family to read? As Will Smith left in Seven Pounds, do u leave it for a person who works @ a hotel or motel to read when they enter your room? Is a letter written for a stranger? And when its left, what does it say? I’m tired of living? I have nothing to live for? It was my time to go. What makes you sure it was time (other than fully going through with it).

And to those who joke about or even bring up the fact that they wanna commit suicide…its no laughing matter. You can place a pretty strong amount of discomfort in those who know you nearly & dearly. The worst part is that when someone says that, you really do have to take what they say seriously, because if you laugh it off, you never know what that person may or may not.

Also, another trend I’ve noticed is that people who make millions or have it all, but really don’t have the essential things, are the ones who try. Think back to when that Enron stuff happened. All of those stock brokers who invested their life savings in a company that tanked just felt there was nothing to live for & jumped out of the window. I don’t know about you, but I have a lot to live for. There are so many things that I want to do with myself, that if I don’t do them now, I may never have the chance to do them. You get one life to live and live to your fullest potential. I know earlier I went into the religious realm of things throwing God up there, but that’s totally based on your personal beliefs. Just know that someone sees the good in you. Lately, I’ve felt like there are times when I have no one, but you have more than you realize. We all have something to live for. Live for it & keep on living. Nothing can take that away that worth of living, & when you feel that’s gone, you let down yourself first & foremost, but those around you who are trying to see you do good.

Ok, I think the Mad Blogga did his damage on this one. Shoutout to those who we have lost in tragedies and tribulations, & may those of us who are here work to live their legacies on, because in the end, all we got is each other. Night fam

Vintage Mad Blogga

Late-night venting

OK, anytime I write @ 1 something in the morning, it must mean there’s something. I almost thought this was gonna go public, but based on what my mood feels, I may have to keep this personal & private. So much for it being private. The past few weeks have been pretty rough on me. I’m working to look for work, I’m working to make ends meet, I’m hoping to hear that my girl is OK (yes you heard right). I’ve seemed like this writers block/venters quarrel has crossed my mind. Sometimes, it happens where you just have no control of what’s going on & you’re forced to take on what is. That’s where I am right now. There are those people who r successful & those who are working to make ends meet just like you are. The big thing on my mind relates to getting this money & making it while it can be made. Your paper chase is the safest thing you got going, unless you’re flat-out risking it. Everything nowadays is a risk. Sometimes, the weight we carry on our shoulders just seems 2 be too much for us in the end. I’m busting my chops to get things right…or @ least better. Its doable, if u allow it to be. Thinking back to 4 years ago, I had the choice of getting it together then & there. I’m pretty humble to take on what God has put in front of me. This thing has been immense. I know I’m not alone in this fight. I’ve had some of the best friends & incentives to get through it all. I know everybody has problems & r on their soapbox trying to get through whatever life has thrown their way, but honestly, doesn’t it get old? The silver lining @ the end of the rainbow is kinda becoming potent to be quite honest. Its just ridiculous if u ask me. I think sending the quotes out in the morning is what’s helping me more than anything. I dunno. Anyways, I hope that my weekend of venting hasn’t drained anyone from enjoying their weekend.

My Endless Love

This love
Is so special
No one understands
What we have
She will know
How far my love goes
For her
For us
Many things require work
And the work placed in this one
Has been worthwhile
Since day one
The kisses
The touches
Other times
I went through the motions
This time
It means something
That’s love
And I don’t mind
This kinda love
My endless love

UP

Soapbox Derby

OK, I’ve noticed the past few days that a lot of people have been on their soapbox and have had their fair share of issues with things that they have absolutely no control over. I’m gonna say my peace about this and I’m going to go on my soapbox since everyone else is on theirs. Sometimes, you get a good opportunity to have something work out in your favor. You either have one of two options…take it or leave it. Whenever you have someone there for you and who has been there through your best and worst times, you have to cherish that opportunity. Not many people get that choice or option. Sometimes, the ones you really want…OK, I’ve been struggling to write this one, but I’m gonna write this blog if it’s the last thing I do.

Lately, my mind has been everywhere. There’s no denying that whatsoever. I’m trying my hardest to get through these obstacles. The biggest let down for me is trying to pay of this debt of mine. Sometimes, it seems as though the moment one shoe drops, the other isn’t too far to follow. You learn that there are a select few moments that you can’t control. I think I’m circle-talking. Right now, I miss the serious things in my life. In case you’re wondering, money doesn’t cover the serious things needed in order to fill the void.

OK, those were the two blogs I wrote by hand and briefly typed on my computer. Now it’s time to write from the once place all of my writing comes from…the heart. I am starting to miss what life used to be like nearly 3 or 4 years ago. Everyone has been on their soapbox about the many things going on in their life. It’s time for me to get on mine about what I want and what I miss. I want to be making some kinda worthwhile income that can keep me afloat. OK, I know what most of you are thinking…me and how many other people? I just feel like this…I know that the economy has a chance of getting better, but when. The job market has been slowly picking up. I just can remember one time when you didn’t have to use the Internet as a shield to get a job. Most companies preferred the face to face approach. I will admit however that partying @ the new U has humbled me in more ways than a few. The old U, I tricked it up talking bad and nasty. With this U, I mostly trip off people’s little antics, but nothing beyond that. I’m more mindful and open in what I say.

Oh, & I’ve learned something…I personally don’t have a 1st amendment right, because whenever I say what others think about saying or possibly doing, I get thrown under the bus for it. Venting about the old U, others thought it, but I said it, but my timing was bad since it didn’t seem like I cherished the job, but I did. I decided to create a page to reminisce, & it wasn’t supposed to b made due to me not being the “proper admin” to design it. I never cease to be amazed. Me writing a blog like this will cause some friction and confusion, but that goes back to what I’m saying…when does freedom of speech no longer become free? OK, that’s all I really wanted to go into. Anyways, hope that everyone prepares for the next few months and get things in the right direction. That’s all we’re forced to do from time to time. BT signing out.