A bit of a slight update…

I am constantly thinking and writing, & I wish that I could sit down & write more of my thoughts, but I never sit and take time to really say what I really feel. In doing this, or the lack thereof, I feel like my friends are missing out on me doing some GREAT writing. Right now, I’ve been going through a few of my own personal problems, but I feel like what I’m doing is only what’s right. I don’t really see that I’m trying to cave in or let my pride get the best of me. I’m not trying to send a message. I’m not even trying to make a point of cutting my past a little short. I just want to prove to myself and just face reality that I will be fine handling this on my own without being or feeling too overwhelmed. I think I’ve stressed over more than I need to in my life. Sometimes, people say or do things that they don’t mean, but the key ingredient is that if you stand behind it, then that’s all others can expect you to do, & I feel like keeping my foot down & sticking to my guns will be the best & only way to get through this in my personal opinion. Well, I’m usually inclined to do a year in review, but since there’s been a major step made (one year back at the V as well as 5 years counting the previous four here as well). I think the fact that they sent me a pin kinda caught me off guard, but I took it for what it was worth. Anyways, I transported a patient a few days ago & it kinda opened my eyes to reality. I think any of the people you come across can sometimes make you second guess & think twice about life in realizing that you have it better than you realize sometimes. Life is something we as people have a tendency to take for granted. You would think people would cherish it as it comes. However, they really don’t. Some people complain and want changes to happen around them, but aren’t willing to change themselves JUST FOR THEMSELVES. I have sat here & contemplated back & forth as to whether or not to deal with some of the things that come in my life. In hindsight, I’ve found that me dealing with these issues is a lot easier & less stressful. I find it amazing that I FINALLY decided to write this blog that has been sitting in my queue to be posted for all the world to see. I noticed something that it took my mother & many of my friends telling me, & it was the dead-on truth. I was slowly aging my life away without even realizing it. I was wanting nothing but the best things in life & all it has to offer. The issue however was that I was going to the wrong places for it. OK, this classical music has me flowing in this blog/journal, but no point is really being made. I met someone who seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to me, & I will admit that it was. The problems that rose as we started dating and being involved and hanging and chilling and spending our quality time together & fighting for alone time…all of this showed me that I didn’t fit into this jacked-up equation. I don’t blame anyone else or look for pity/blame behind the whole thing. I find it amazing that the person is still trying to find answers & has none. She wants to know why did I leave, & why am I being a coward walking away the way I did. This is almost my own strange way of responding to all of the shit she sent me as well as just getting a few real thoughts out on the table. I feel like one of the most important values and qualities to me is family & friendship. If you don’t want me to be involved or deal with my family, or even my friends for that matter, then you’re basically asking for the relationship to fall apart before it even has legs. There is nothing gained whatsoever from trying to take me away from my family because you hardly have any dealings with yours. I’m unsure how I wanna come at this, but I think that this is my best & safest stopping point. This is a brief update, but I think the next blog/thought will share everything that I really wanna say…enjoy

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