Well, I’m a full week into the 30 club, & if I don’t say or confirm anything else, it’s the fact that there are constantly thoughts going through my head on a daily basis. I’ve gotten very involved with doing voter registration & will constantly be keeping people aware of all that is needed to make our country a better place. I’ve gone back & forth about wanting to jump into a blog topic about love, relationships, & affection for that matter. I was expected to jump into the struggles of being placed in the friend zone, because that’s a hard place to either land or even worse dig your way out of. However, based on various pictures I’ve seen, different conversations I’ve had with friends, & a few personal experiences I can account for, this topic trumps all of the those potential blogs. Most of the time, I would give you a whole bunch of situations, but I’m ready to hit you with reality, & this could shock many of you. The primary reason why a person doesn’t leave someone that is abusive is because they’re in love with them. Now, any other time, I would drop the mic & walk away, but I want to share a few personal stories, & I’ll let a few of my friends know in advance that I may put a little bit of your stories out there, but awareness is the name of the game. First & foremost, & I think this is pretty important, but the power you give someone to physically or mentally cause harm to someone else automatically makes you weak. If you’re frustrated, then your best option on route is to find another way to let out your anger. Many of my friends & family practically know that writing & music are my two options to get my head cleared of the dumb & stupid things that just get me worked up. I’ve slowly added working out (mostly playing basketball & getting on the treadmill or just staying moving) as a way to work off a fair share of stress. OK, so going back to hitting someone, one of the worst phrases I hear is that this person loves me & wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. If you’re saying this after about two or three times, 7 you still are with someone like this, then there’s a problem. That topic or section is kinda beating around the busy, but here’s a better way to put it. The term love hurts is pretty true, however, there’s a difference between being hurt by dealing with the process of caring & loving someone that doesn’t love you. The other side of this…you know where I’m about to go with this. Letting someone beat up on you ain’t the first bit of love or care on any level. Oh, & for those who say “It couldn’t be me”, or “I can’t see myself in that situation”, if you’re young or you just don’t feel it happening, just wait. To those women who are strong or have gained or always maintained power in the relationship, I commend you all. OK, I’m not gonna shock you all, but fellas, you’re not off the hook either. As a real man, you can never give a woman power or control over you to the point that you have no opinion under any circumstances. Now, what I am breaking down is that when a woman thinks hitting a man is sexy or is a turn on, that is amazing. I may expose a little of me on this, but even though my ex & I were together for a brief period, the truth is that I caught a fair amount of mental abuse, because it was so bad to the point that I was biting my tongue while we were attempting to have simple conversations. She was doing this because she wanted to re-gain control of her life, her relationship, & the connection w/ her family. She had lost most of that power because she had been with an friend, who made her feel less of a woman based on being physically & mentally abusive to her. Whenever someone would call me, I felt like I was in jail taking brief conversations to the point that we could only talk about the bare minimum, & once they asked the million dollar question of whether I was over her place or not, that would cause the conversation to transition very quickly. One thing I would like to add before I continue typing my personal thoughts is that this entire thing altogether is a process. I haven’t even gone into rape or just the possibility of, if not equal to, death. I’m gonna jump into more of my personal story as this progresses. The point I’m making is that you’d be surprised how something can really have a domino affect on someone else, ESPECIALLY when it’s built up. I think that’s a big reason why being single has been pretty safe for me as a whole. So one thing I want to jump into next is letting someone know. Now, I’m not saying that everyone needs to be in your relationship. You & your mate are important, but if you’re not happy or satisfied, tell someone. An add-on to that is that if you’re not happy, & no happiness is in the future, find a way to ease out of that situation. As one of my friends would put it, slowly walk away, & when you get the chance, RUN! OK, again, I would like emphasize many of the things I point out are easier said than done. Speaking of communication, it’s still an adjustment losing my sister because of this. She didn’t really tell anyone what was going on. What was intense was seeing that the family came together because of this. I know that there are people who guaranteed to hear of what’s going on. Losing someone because of domestic violence is quite tragic. The people who survive can ALWAYS be able to share their story. When the person isn’t here, however, then their story is shared through friends & family (mostly family). I was told that I’m better off not writing this, but this is one of my ways of getting the awareness out there to other people. You’d be surprised how we sometimes don’t know how tough it is to go through the stages of dealing with and confronting someone who’s not treating you for your proper worth.
Help is something you can find around the corner. What is important is asking the right questions or sharing with the right people. I’m going to share this, & then I will cap this blog off, because I thank you all for reading this blog. If you take the time to share with someone that you’re being hurt or that you’re not happy with your situation & someone is trying to give you help, & you’re just willing to “tough it out” by staying somewhere you’re not happy, then that’s purely on you. Blaming it on other people won’t even feel or seem productive. Being willing to change and get out of the situation is the most important element by far.
I think that piece of advice might cause me to lose some friends, but if so, then mission accomplished of keeping it real. I think that you have to be willing to make changes for the right reasons while letting go of the excess baggage in your life. If you have any questions or need any resources & don’t want all of your business put in the street, then inbox or DM me & I’ll help you…PROMISE!!!! My friends know that I will give my last to help them handle their first. On that note, I hope you all have enjoyed this blog & if you feel someone needs to read this, I will share the link to it on my personal blog.