Good Grief

​​
Well since I’m old enough to claim that I’m a fan of the infamous “Charlie
Brown” & one of his most famous phrases is “Good Grief”, it’s the perfect
title for this blog. In this form of writing, your mind will be opened by
the infamous theory of a part of life that people are scared to encounter:
grieving. Now, before I talk about this, I would like to make it clear that
grieving does not solely apply to losing someone close to you. Grieving as
a whole relates to handling or facing an issue or situation & not running
away from it like it doesn’t even exist. For some reason, this is a mistake
that people make day in & day out. You start to wonder why do people do
this. I know for me, I don’t have an answer to save my soul. One of the
first forms of grieving is the loss of a loved one. You sometimes forget
how key a person is in our lives until we’re without them. Thinking back on
my own personal story, I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to grieve &
handle the passing of my sister Lora. Most of my
​​
friends who know about the situation know that I really didn’t know much
about her sto
​​
ry. When I received the news that she had passed, I didn’t wanna face it
whatsoever. I attended the funeral & was very quiet. I remember it clearly
because I had just started working security and the day of the funeral, I
had gotten off from work that morning at 8am & came home, took a shower,
got dressed, attended the funeral & be as supportive for the family. The
truth was that I needed support myself. I didn’t want to face the situation
head on at all. I didn’t talk to anyone about it for a while. It took me
over 5 years and attending a domestic violence event in October of 2012 to
find out in full detail how she passed. The event was supposed to be the
first time for me talking openly about the situation as a whole. As stated,
even with the opportunity, I still didn’t fully have the words of how to
talk about it, because I didn’t know how hard it would be. Once my sister
shared information about her cause of death, along with stories in the
newspaper, it caused me to slowly realize that I need to talk about her
story in the good, & awaken people to the things that a lot of victims may
be scared to speak about. As mentioned earlier, grieving doesn’t solely
refer to losing someone in your life as a cause of death. It can also occur
when going in and out of relationships. Some people do this and don’t even
realize it. They will get in a relationship with someone, see it end, &
before they can just enjoy and embrace being single, they’re out there
giving their heart and their all to someone when their heart hasn’t had
time to heal from what has happened in the past few months, weeks, or even
years. I’m gonna share a personal story that very few people know about,
but I wanted to offer things from my perspective. The reason I’m stating
this is because over the last few months, I have had time to think about a
lot. One thing that I thought about is that I did something I’ve NEVER done
in my entire life. I dated 4 different women within a 10 month span. I
didn’t date them simultaneously, but once one situation ended, I didn’t
take time to focus on Bryan & realize that I need to not be in such a rush
to meet someone. In some instances, though, I “thought” I was ready. After
what I recently went through (which I personally won’t get into unless
you’ve received and understand my “Tetris” theme I had on Facebook,
Instagram, & Twitter), I saw that I did it all wrong. Most importantly, I
realized that I am gonna be grieving as well as just enjoying being the
original Bryan that most of my friends have either seen, or are wondering
where he’s been hiding. Nonetheless, I don’t point the finger at others
about what I did or who I chose & how it all came together. One thing I
wanna speak on about this is that once one relationship (or what I thought
was a relationship) would end, I would sit and chill for a few weeks & meet
someone else by just hanging out or talking or whatever, & because of that,
I didn’t grieve and get over what I went through. I was acting like I was
just gonna put under a rug & hope that it goes away. Obviously, that wasn’t
the smartest approach. The key element, however, was that it was safe.
Sometimes, safe isn’t always as safe as we think it is.

My primary intentions of writing this blog is to state that grieving for
everyone is different. However, if you’re not grieving at all or
acknowledging what’s going on, then what’s ahead might not be something
that you’re even willing or prepared to face. When it comes to losing
someone in your family, if you don’t sit and obtain some form of hugging,
crying, talking, or something about the situation, then it won’t make you
confront that it happened in the first place. As far as dating goes, PLEASE
(and I’m writing that in all caps because I’ve screwed up in this & someone
thinks I’m gonna break my trend (which is unlikely) of hooking up or going
out to “get to know” someone when I don’t fully know myself) don’t jump out
there & date or mingle with someone if you’re mentally, emotionally,
physically or properly ready for what comes with that possible territory of
connecting with someone. Going back to death of loved ones (just realized
that family & friends fall into that category), don’t sit and hide when
someone close to you leaves you. Dealing with it is hard, but not talking
about or confronting it is even harder. Sometimes, we don’t have someone to
talk to about our problems. Carry it to a higher source (not gonna go there
as usual) and speak about it. Being a coca cola bottle waiting to explode
is the worst feeling in the world, because shaking up those feelings inside
will cause you to become an emotional wreck. The wreck obviously is what
carries over to the wreckage of making a decision and not handling the
choices you make when calling yourself to move forward when thinking love
is involved. I won’t say it’s overrated & that someone of the opposite sex
isn’t loyal (tried to find a way to blend that in there, & I did lol), but
what I will say is that you have to take time to know your worth and don’t
allow your value to decrease dealing with someone who may not even be able
to deal with themselves. That’s a mistake I’ve seen and made time and time
again.

In closing, I will say this…grieve wisely. However, be sure that you
don’t take the option of not grieving at all, because if you try to act
like a situation is gonna go away, the worst part is that it will creep up
when least expected. Friends, family, counseling, prayer, are all options
of how to handle the issue as a whole. There are probably others, but these
are the first ones that I can think of right away. Just don’t sit there &
act like what’s going on isn’t going on. It isn’t healthy by a long shot.
As always, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. For
the first time in a while, I will FINALLY be going back & reading the blog
and making sure that it’s edited (thanks Tashara for getting on my case
about that). You all take care & remember,
​being positive
goes a long way. Negativity will tune itself out with a pair of earphones.
I’m Audi. (yeah still working on a closing as you can tell).
​​

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