BABY FEVER

I feel like I’ve got drafts sitting in multiple places for this blog, but nothing has officially gone live. Well, that changes TODAY. I have had topics in various places, but nothing officially go into my blog. Again, that changes TODAY. These drafts will be randomly put together & then we will come up with a plan as to what the next plan of attack is with these writings. And remember, you’ve been warned.

So, usually I have some outside the norm intro or break down these various pieces of thoughts. Of course, if you look @ the title (formerly BABY AND RELATIONSHIP EVER), you’ll notice that I have quite a piece of info going into this blog.

You sit around & hear all these topics of conversation about folks having babies. You find yourself being supportive & proud of their achievement. Then you turn around & start to realize that you’re happy, though deep down inside, you’re catching yourself wondering why you have no kids of your own. Now, I can’t speak for others, but I know for me personally, I was thinking about trying to make some money and spend some money, along with just flat-out gaming in so many words. I’ll admit it. I can pretty much stand on those words. Granted, I know that kids are a huge responsibility. The question would usually hit if I was up for that challenge. I know for me personally, it wasn’t on my agenda at any point whatsoever. Part of why I’ve been distance with the thought of kids is because I’m too into my technology addiction. If something has a chance of cutting into my apple or Xbox budge, then I won’t know how to deal with it. I’m jumping on this topic, but I’m avoiding the true elephant in the room…relationship fever. Now, before I jump into the relationship side of this blog, I would like to say something that very few people don’t know about me. There’s a reason I don’t hold anyone’s children. I think kids are cute & they’re adorable, but I am not comfortable holding someone’s child, because the first thing going through my head is that this isn’t my own personal child, so I don’t know how to properly take care of it. I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna know how to even take care of handle my own in the first place. I guess this is something that I’m thinking about on a huge aspect of things. It’s an odd comparison, but it’s almost like someone with crutches. I won’t hold or play with someone’s crutches. Playing on crutches is like asking to get hurt. Yes, I know that’s me being VERY close-minded, but I have had that theory in my head. I’ve played basketball & jammed fingers & the whole nine. But with holding a baby, I’m very scared and worried that I’m really going to do something wrong. I know that I’m probably gonna be fine in treating the baby properly, but I know that I see everyone treat their kids differently. Plus, I think about how I saw some people I dated who had little kids just act like they were rag dolls or something, so I didn’t have the best template in so many words. I know one of my friends, I look at her daughter like she’s secretly. I haven’t seen her in a few months, & I feel bad. I will have to change that ASAP. That’s obviously another story. Nonetheless, I think that I would be a great father. I know for a fact that I’m gonna push to have as much as fun as possible with my child (once I have him or her). The other factor I look at is all of the baby momma and baby daddy drama. I have absolutely no kinda energy to deal with foolishness like that. It’s just not worth going through in so many words. I know that not everyone has that problem, but there are some guys out there who just take their child’s mother through changes or not put up on child support or whatever the case may be. I can’t speak for every situation, but I know that’s a discomforting relationship to be a part of. I know I’m kinda dangling that portion, but that’s because I wanna jump on this relationship fever (that you don’t see in the title at the top, but exists within the blog itself).

There are a decent amount of people who are in their healthy & steady relationships. I know for a fact that no relationship out here is perfect. Many times, what women come out of their mouth asking for or demanding usually isn’t what they even need in the first place. However, the reality of what they’re truly in need of is found behind the scenes of what’s initially portrayed. I will admit that adjusting to the single life hasn’t been all that bad. By nature, dealing with it from time to time has been weighing down on me, but I personally feel that majority of that weight has been from me embracing various forms of change around me in so many words. I’ve lately gotten better with just handling life as it comes, but there are those times when I feel like just dropping the hammer & practically giving up, but I thankfully haven’t allowed myself to feel that love isn’t coming soon. I had someone say something that was pretty huge. In order for me to love someone else, I have to learn how to love myself. Self love has been hard at times, but since re-gaining sanity in my routine, it hasn’t been so bad after all. Getting back into gaming (and obviously writing) has been second nature as of late. I’m still pushing to expand my musical side of things, but that will come over time in so many words. Anyways, I kinda wrote a little all over the place & just wanted to at least get some form of writing done to let my readers know that I’m still here. I hope to do more in the future.

Apologies that these are dangled blogs (well, I don’t feel that they are). My true readers know that I do this to kinda get your brain going & working on something that you normally wouldn’t. I hope that one day love crosses my path. When it does, I’ll cherish & value it. Nothing to beat myself up about. And as far as a baby, once the legitimate and stable relationship comes along, then when that path is crossed, then I’ll take on the opportunity of having a baby. I won’t think ahead of myself or push more thought into this as time goes along. Until next time, this is BT signing out. Take it easy.

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