Anyone who usually keeps up with my blog knows that I like to write my blog leading up to my “Year In Review”, & it’s normally this one. I have a couple queued up thoughts that I’ve written on paper, but sitting & just getting them published has been somewhat of a tall order. I’m not pointing the finger or placing blame on myself. I will warn everyone prepared for the year in review that I have my thoughts of what I want to be seen as how I want to handle 2017, because I see it all the time, & the drafting & unfinished business must stop. That’s somewhat of a teaser, but I wanted to sit & talk about what I’m thankful for.
Usually, our families have a tendency to come together & kick back to talk about sports and look over time & acknowledge that which we are thankful for. If I were to truly say there is something I am thankful for, hands down it would be my friends (who most of them are practically like family). And that’s as universal as it gets. Here’s why…many times our friends have a tendency to hide or go into their cocoon’s, which I highly understand since I go into mine. Many of my friends, however, have been available even after taking their personal hiatuses. My core “cool kids” have been in sheer grind mode working on their personal lives & transitions along with adjustments that have made things better with a splash of difficulty. My “booski” as I call her moved to another state, but a message or two between us is our peace of mind in knowing that we’re OK. I always know that we are both striving towards greatness. Lord knows when all of my personal problems come into play, she was one of the first people I talked to about my problems & if I never said it enough, I appreciated the ear or the voice of truth. Trust & believe, my cool kids crew has done the same in more ways than a few. My work family was initially created, re-routed & solidified within a matter of a year. And I literally mean a year. Some of my work family was there through it all, & then their lives went into serious turmoils, which then caused me to restructure my family (aka petty crew) & it’s caused me to be in a much happer place (that I was waiting to see show up). I want it to be clear that I have some friends who have socially gotten me out of my comfort zone, which has been a huge change. Also, thanks to my social connection, I’ve made friendships that have practically become relationships w/ friends on a unique level. Of course, I have no love life going on (has been nearly a year) & I’m actually happy with it. My friendships & my BT time has helped me get through this.
One thing I would like to state before I continue is that my relationships with my actual family have been pretty stable & intact (for the most part). My mother & I are still crazy as ever when I hang out with her. My father has realized that I’m not just working & calling it a day. I’ve literally been just trying to keep myself happy with where I am. I obviously want to grow, which requires working on a few personal things to get that accomplished, but that’s where the accountability factor comes into play. I can thankfully see that full circle, because at one time I wasn’t willing to see it for what it was. I personally feel like good people are hard to come by. Going back to my previous paragraph, I don’t mention everyone by name & I am not sitting here going through my list saying that half of my friends have been mess & the rest have been the best, but I will say that I’ve had to re-tool a lot of friendships in very unique ways, & now they’re slowly starting to get back on track. I realize with me that sometimes I have to go into this extreme/aggressive mode to get the attention of others in order to make my point or ideas clear. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but I have learned that creating or generating distance works in ways that others aren’t used to by a long shot. You sometimes shouldn’t have to go that route, but if it’s there for the taking, you realize that educating yourself along with others is the simplest way to go through some of the most complex things sometimes. That’s the best way to put it. I know that I went into one of my infamous tangents, but the reason I’m doing so is because I have a lot of needs in a friendship (as most people do) & I’m not sitting here saying I expect someone to give me the world on a friendship level. HOWEVER, don’t expect me to go out of my way when you can’t do something like small like speak. When I was in my old department, folks would come in & make it like saying hello was the hardest task of life for them. I get it…we have rough days, months, weeks, years, lifetimes, etc. The key factor, however, is to not let those personal things block your mental aura from knowing that a simple form of common courtesy goes a long way. I have friends now who I won’t hear from for months, & the minute I send them a text or receive an instant message, I’m not looking like “why are you writing me now” compared to “I’m so glad to hear from you…what’s new”. I had a friend fo mine I’ve known for over half of my life talk to me in giving a warning that she was gonna be unavailable for a while, & I told her “no problem”. Knowing our random ESP, she will write me sometime within the next couple of weeks, & it will be a huge moment to just talk to her.
I have a lot of non-substance based things that I’ve been blessed, but if I truly had to choose a substance of any form, I would have to say that my friendships & family oriented relationships that are all a work in progress are the most valuable pieces as to why you get the Bryan you see today. Having people in my life who claimed to be friends compared to those who have been genuine from day one & have called me out on my shit as well as giving me to ability to call them out on theirs are the people who have been stuck on this journey since day one (regardless of when their day one started). The important thing is that they’re still here & they will still be here. HASH TAG STILL THERE (massive insider). Anyways, I’m gonna wrap it up here. I love when a blog is written a longer than normal, but I wanted to at least write something & get a couple of thoughts out on paper. As always, this is BT signing saying “Peace, take care, & I’m Audi”.