Normally, I could give a very “Bryan” answer, & that be the end of this blog, but instead, I’ll break down this blog, what transpired, & be as transparent as possible.
I truly feel like just because certain things are supposedly assured doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re supposed to just happen if it isn’t time. Of course, this was triggered by a story, so if you have a blanket and a bed, you may wanna sit back & enjoy this true story. A few weeks ago (almost felt like months), I was part of an event @ the Boys & Girls Club that consisted fo an unveiling of the many changes that are in store for the future. The event & activity was great, yada yada ya, but I’m about to get into the conversation (as simple/direct as possible). A friend of mine hung out after the event & we talked about different things that we have been working on or trying to work (sometimes our jobs or even life for that matter have stopped them). Well, there was another friend of ours who was there that practically grew up with us at the club & I personally grew up with her from elementary school leading into my graduation of high school (she graduated a year later). Well, we were all standing around, & my other friends mom and she had a separate conversation that then carried over to us…Why have neither of us (the fellas) have gotten married? Now, mind you, my female schoolmate that I grew up with is currently single as well. So, my boy breaks down his reason saying that “Women are crazy”. I basically kinda had a silent moment, & became slightly delayed, but then put the pieces together on my reasoning. So my initial reason that I gave during this conversation is that I haven’t come across anyone who has even been in the spectrum of even thinking of marrying.
This will NOW go into the title and breakdown of this actual Blog (and now it’s time for a breakdown). I am gonna have plenty of fun with this. The only reason I will is because, as of right now, I have yet to meet “the wife” or “the one”. I’ve had women who I have dated, but have yet to see on that level or that extreme. I know that for me, marriage is scary. I was involved with one female a couple of times, but I was never able to see marriage or a true “future” while involved with her. I will say clearly and transparently that love was not in the cards to that extreme. Do I feel like I will find someone capable of marrying? Its possible. In the past few months, I have seen people get married, find that guy willing to propose, & introduce bundles of joy into their lives to name a few. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here looking at Christmas as another day on the calendar since I have to be to work in order to get triple pay. I’m not married to work, but I know that the maintenance is key since I have to remain employed. That’s kinda the way I look at it. I have been in my chill state of mind with dating or relationships right now, because everything over the past few years has been about Bryan & this thing he has called a “brand”. I may as well prepare this story, & also answer the all-important question…WHAT IS MY BRAND? I was hanging out about a week ago (week ago…yeah you may have missed that one), & someone sitting with my group I was hanging with asked why I was slow in drinking. Well, for starters, I drink socially. My other reason is that I’m all about me and my brand. So someone overheard that was there “hanging out to unwind” & I am trying to explain to him what my brand was and that went over their head. I basically had to make it clear that my brand is me. The thing is that when someone hears that you are your own brand, it causes you to sound or seem selfish. So, I will explain what my own brand is. If you go back to when you attended programs with grade school, and you were told that while you are on this trip, you represent yourself, your family, and all. Well, that mostly applies even @ the age of 35. When you are at work, off work with friends, with family, wherever, you sometimes have to maintain or represent your true character, which for some of us is a challenge because we don’t know who we are. So, the next question you are then entitled to is what does any of this have to do with this blog? Well, I’m glad you asked. Based on my brand and my thoughts towards marriage, I want to be with someone. I wanna be happy. I want all of the mopey love songs related to love & marriage and blah blah blah. The brand side of it is that I have to be open to meeting a woman who is willing to embrace and accept my brand. Most importantly, I have to be open to accepting and taking on their brand. Some people make their “brand” complicated, while others make it pretty simple, but come off as being a brand that they’re not. All I know is that the number one factor is that I’m not selling myself short in what I need to be doing running or chasing after love. The song is practically 20 years old, but when TLC was singing about “Waterfalls”, they were obviously talking about love. We chase and go after the wrong things with people and end up losing ourselves in the translation or transition. Love literally can make you do some crazy things. The important factor is to be happy. I think I placed enough musical references in there.
Now, Bryan’s specific reason as to why I’m not married. I hope my friend from the event reads this, & if not, you know I’m more than happy in being savage in sharing or tagging, because no one knows if they’re not told. I haven’t met anyone crazy enough to meet my crazy…first and foremost. Also, I know that no one is perfect, but for whatever reason, a woman wants the good guy with that “edge” that not everyone has. I’m not categorizing all women, because that is unrealistically impossible. However, I will say that the step that I usually have skipped when it came to relationships is the friendship aspect. I was friends with the person, but not long enough to really get and understand their layers or styles of why they do certain things. I think now that I have hit my 35 wall of dating, I am able to truly self-assess things much better as well as know that I have a lot to work on involving Bryan. The hardest thing for people as a whole is feedback. We don’t know what we’re doing wrong to run others away. Even worse is when we apologize or feel sorry when we ain’t do shit wrong. The latter is what Bryan has done totally wrong. And yes, I just talked about myself in 3rd person. If you knew me from years back, I was a pro @ speaking about Bryan in 3rd person, but I digress. I just did things wrong in various scenarios, & I didn’t see or realize what was or wasn’t being done right, & now I have taken all forms of criticism, regardless of how much it might hurt my little pride. Just have to man up & stay off that new website inmyfeelings.gov (yes that went over everyone’s head).
So in closing, loving someone else is great & getting married is even greater, but if there is no self love or self care, then you are wasting time and energy trying to be involved in love. If any of my friends have been on my blog transitions over the years, then you probably know that I’m guilty of writing about love and relationships, & that has changed with the years and practically with life (for good and smart reasons). This chain had to be broken in order to make it clear that I would love to meet someone and sweep them off their feet and woo them. I’m also not gonna do it while knowing that the battle has erupted into a war that I didn’t ask for to begin with. As always, thanks for reading the blog. I have shared this with a couple of people who follow the blog offline, but I will likely leave the link or a way of hearing the show, but this year’s “year in review” for 2017, for starters will be AWESOME. However, it will NOT be a blog, & I will explain that reason in the PODCAST that I plan on sharing. All I can tell you is to watch out. Until next time, this is BT signing out. Take it easy.