OK, this draft was written last year, but since we’re just about halfway into 2019, I can go ahead & get this one off the writing block.
I’m gonna just jump right into it, & I’m holding no punches back in this one.
Dating in today’s society is IMPOSSIBLE. It’s no longer “hey you look nice. Can I take you out”. Most people shoot their shot with no shame whatsoever.
I really don’t wanna make this a visual blog, but this is one of the few times I have to in order to keep your attention. Think of how many times as men you’ve shot your shot at a girl (or guy if that’s your preference) & just wondered to yourself “This ain’t going in”, but you still take a chance regardless. Men and women do this on a consistent basis. The tough part is that there are so many barriers and obstacles to this.
I’ve asked a few of my friends who are single what is the real challenge or obstacle involving dating in the year 2019. Someone did make a reference of what makes 2019 different from any other year. My counter response to that is that in 1999, dating wasn’t all that complicated whatsoever. Nowadays, you meet someone & you have to practically get their background checked, their dental records & sexual history to see if you’re even close to compatible. I know that sounds like a reach, but it’s no longer a simple “hey let’s go out for lunch” when most people are spending their lunch posting selfies of their food & #nomnom madness. To make this clear, before I continue, I’m pointing fingers at no one, because this is a conversation that just needs to be had while the opportunity exists to have it. Returning to my initial statement, I asked others why do they think dating is so hard in 2019, & I got multiple answers. The one answer that showed up the most was social media. I even saw someone say people lacking values, being inconsistent, & no values. It’s amazing how social media measures us without our permission. What’s more interesting is that we take anything that’s said on social media as face value. If we’re told to lose so many pounds, we don’t think about the work it takes to lose the weight, we just try to figure out everything possible to lose the weight. Our online retention also challenges us sometimes. As a social guy myself, I have been the first to admit that I scroll & scroll through Instagram & Facebook. What’s amazing is how we don’t like one over the other, but forget that they’re all part of the same family/category. Just something random that has little to do w/ this blog.
As far as dating goes, I think because I’m seeing it now, I’m gonna speak on it a little. There’s nothing wrong w/ having high expectations, but there’s a difference between high expectation & REALISTIC expectations. It’s like setting goals vs. setting REAL goals. A REAL goal is that you will save 500 dollars in 5 months. A goal is that you plan to be a millionaire by this time next year. It’s not to say that the second can’t happen, but if you aren’t planning to change your spending lifestyle that day & cut back on things, then you will be in a struggle. I know, I know, the topic. Some people have these expectations in their head as to what they look for in their significant other. If that person doesn’t fit even one of those things, then they’re out & they don’t wanna have anything to do with that potential partner. Also, a big factor is what you are looking for from someone when first meeting them. A lotta times, we meet someone, & we automatically want them to be our husband or wife & they hardly know whether we’re into sports or not. For instance, it’s not a standard or expectation, but you gotta roll w/ me and my fandom of being into sports. I’m not saying that you have to be a sports fan. If you’re not, then the compromise is that I’ll go ahead & find that “sanity haven” to watch my soccer or basketball or whatever sport is big @ that moment. Anyways, that’s not something that would cause me to break away from a female. Obviously, that’s my personal perspective & preference. What I will say is this…don’t run someone off without giving them some form of a chance. There’s no way you can think others should get a chance to know you & you’re wafting everyone off left & right w/o giving them some type of window or scope to get through.
I’m going back & reading over comments to make sure I didn’t skip anything. Society was mentioned, & it’s valid. Society challenges social media more than we realize. Consistently inconsistent people is an interesting response, because what most people do is that they’ll give you these things to show they’re interested, but not maintain them through the duration of the relationship. I even saw someone say people. People aren’t as consistent as they once were & aren’t very trustworthy (their words, not mine, but I do agree). Factoring our environments into this, what we see is what we will sometimes pursue, & that can be challenging when you don’t see love or happiness. You see arguing, yelling, loneliness, etc. I do read the pickiness and preferences, which goes back to the expectations & standards.
We all want love. We all want to feel loved. We also don’t know how to go about pursuing love & allowing love to find us. All of the attributes mentioned above are important to bring into this conversation, because whether we like it or not, all most of us are looking for is just someone to be in our corner when we’re not in our own corner. I had someone bring up a song by Kehlani & everyone constantly said “it’s a good song”, but no one really answered the question there, so I’ll bring it up here. Based on what she was looking for in “Gangsta”, is this what most women are looking for? Here’s the song by the way…
OK, enough writing. Hope the random conversations didn’t run you off. Thanks for reading. Until next time, this is BT signing out. Take it easy.