My Current State…

It’s almost 10pm on Sunday night, & this is NOT the blog that I would think that I’d be writing, but I’m gonna say it. I have given a lot of energy to people. In doing so, it has left me depleted. I come in giving my best effort to those deserving of it. I am tired of battling and fighting with people. It’s not even that it’s me trying to fight. It’s me trying to explain things to people who don’t understand or don’t care. I’ve had my pity parties. I have worked on helping everyone else. I’ve given little or no effort to my brand known as designing. I’m blaming no one for it but myself.

More than anything, I’ve shared more than I feel the need to share with others. Part of it is that people don’t wanna hear it, or people feel like I shouldn’t be acquainted with whom I’m acquainted with. Being a loving & giving person, this puts you down a road that you don’t like. Currently, I don’t like it. On my social media (which will soon start to be used less), I shared an image of a light switch turned to off. I personally feel like I’ve been trying to keep the lights on & just keep running. By keeping the brain running & the mind running, it’s caused me to practically feel like I’ve checked out.

It’s one thing to have one of the lights above on in your car. It’s another when you have the deadly trifecta turned on knowing that your car will require a lot of maintenance causing you to feel like you need a new car. The only problem is that our bodies are not like cars in real life. We only get one body. We have to maintain and uphold the proper upkeep. Being who I am and knowing what I know is tough to share sometimes. Others can relate in their own ways. As my other blog was going to get into about perfection, I’m striving for it, with nothing to show. It’s TIRING. I’m EXHAUSTED. I know my twin, Fred, wrote a blog pertaining to this, so I don’t wanna write anything that she has written. I’ve been highly scripted with my writings the last few weeks. They haven’t felt authentic. I AM TIRED!!!! There, I said it. I am overdue for a vacation. I have some time coming up that I can relax a little, & I will do my best to relax. I was given an invite to hang with some folks that I have hung out with before, but I am almost inclined to just take some time to myself. A few years ago, I had a similar experience, & it helped me launch the podcast website (among other things).

When you are in the right space to receive the gifts given to you, you embrace those gifts & just learn to grow from them. One of my friends gave me a hard assignment to reach out to some people who I usually wouldn’t reach out to, & it felt good doing so. I didn’t do it with intentions of opening the wrong doors or boxes. It was to salvage friendships & bonds. You have people who provide a wealth of knowledge in your life. There was one connection that happened that I would have never expected in the time that it happened with my cousin. My cousin & I love each other in a very transparent way. She shared some information from a reading that she had (I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing), but she pointed out some truths that I needed to really look into. It’s interesting how you can relate to someone in a way that hardly anyone would understand. All I can say is that there are some new movements coming. I am not showing my hand. I will say that I’m working harder on being a better Bryan. This is a point where I’m overdue to grow. I was supposed to grow WEEKS ago. I can’t blame Mercury retrograde. I can be
“Accountability Bryan” on this one. As my friends who really know me…YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!!! If you don’t know what that means, just watch the motions & movements.

Before I finish this blog, anyone that I have mentioned or referenced in this blog, I love you all. There are no hurtful or angered feelings behind anything. I know that anyone who has been trying to help me, I appreciate the help. As Joe Budden said on a podcast, & it sticks with me CONSTANTLY…LEARN IT ON YOUR OWN!!!! I’m open to learning. I will listen to what’s shared, & I will use it to my advantage. Also, I am open to learning how to pay it forward. All of that being said, I hope that everyone gives good energy to each other & not throw shade or take shots at anyone (myself included). It’s time to grow & gain traction. Until next time, this is BT signing out.

4 thoughts on “My Current State…

  1. Yo B do you put God 1st and let the rest fall in line. Love you Bro rolling till the wheels fall off.

  2. Dope read and empathy tend to go through this. I hope you take your time to expel the energy of others and focus on building what you want to build.

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