Losing Friends & Family

I may have blogged or talked about this before, but I will kinda get into this topic while it’s personal and heavy on my heart. I have friends who are practically like my own family. I was initially planning to do a podcast about this, but I didn’t really implement it into the show. The story was about grieving. Sometimes, people are unable to know how to deal with losing someone close to them, especially when it’s highly unexpected. A few of my friends have lost family members who are close to them, & in some instances, I have know some of those people through personal interactions. I think the toughest part of the circle of life is when you lose someone, especially when they’re close to you. I truly sit and think to myself that I truly pray for those who have lost someone close to them. Dear God, I know that you are there as they’re dealing with the hurt, but you’re also there with them after the hurt goes down. It’s never an easy process to lose someone close to you. Thankfully God, you are helping them get through things the best way possible. Just offer your loving prayerful spirit over those who have lost someone from natural causes or tragedy or however those losses have occurred. You are able to get us through some of the worst and toughest times, and we’re put in a position to just do our best to handle what life brings to us. Without you, we wouldn’t be able to come close to where we are. Please watch over us and know that we can’t handle this fight on our own. These things I ask in your name. Amen.

I can say with an honest approach that losing someone near and dear to you is much tougher than you realize. You truly don’t know whether to console someone or just give them their space. You aren’t sure whether to reach out or just wait for them to reach out to you. I know I’m guilty of checking in to make sure someone is OK (even when they tell me they’re not). I will say something & I want this to be transparently heard…I can usually read when someone’s depression or frustration hits. Usually, it’s something positive that helps someone get out of their personal headspace. One of the key components is that you have to let people go through their motions accordingly. My biggest and strongest piece of advice is to not go through the fight alone.

I am gonna make sure that I be the best Bryan I can be to those who need to know that losing someone can hurt, & will hurt. However, going through the hurt alone is the most challenging thing to do, but by instinct, it’s the safest & easiest way for some of us in most cases. Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who STILL hasn’t adjusted to losing his sister due to domestic violence and another sister due to medical issues that were literally out of my hand. I hope everyone enjoyed reading this, & those who I personally know that have lost loved ones or feel alone, remember that BT will do his best to be there in whatever way possible. Until next time, take care & BT signing out.


Episode 117-Depression and Anxiety

I wanted to personally share this podcast, because it’s not a minor matter in the real world, but someone may be facing these signs, and not know it.

Listen to “Episode 117-Depression and Anxiety” on Spreaker.

Gaining WordPress Followers (Goals) & Spreaker Followers

Over the last few years, I have been blogging without an intent to get my message out there to masses. There hasn’t been one steer-clear direction that I’ve gone with. My personal blog has gone from relationships breakdowns to mental breakdowns, even as far as going into random topics that are truly on my mind. I believe that because my stories have been all over the place. it’s started to introduce new people to my blog. The greatest thing I could have done was pull my archived blogs from when I started on Blogger, Tumblr, & my first stint of WordPress. I really wish I could go back & find my retro blogs when I first joined AOL & Bolt (BOTH blogs many of you may not even know exists). I’m not sure if going for a weekly blog will generate traffic, but I know that I will be pushing harder to get more written content to the masses.

My current follower count isn’t very high, but I’m really wanting to let others know that I’m a blogger (of some sort) who loves blogging. Luckily, I’ve got some books to help me with finding out how to truly get my content out there to the masses (in case you didn’t read it the first time). I have 4 books (plus a digital book called “The Alchemist” that I’m overdue to read) to help me place myself in the right place for success. Of course, as many of my friends have learned about my reading options, I’m reading the book called “The Secret”, & that book has been giving me plenty of life. What makes these book purchases funny is that I was trying to digitally purchase all of them, when I meant to devote time to reading these books. What helps is that my roommate has been helpful in getting me to get discounts on books that I purchase, causing me to have a physical copy.  I know that I am going on a bit of a tangent, BUT there are probably some tips & tricks I need to follow in order to get my brand beyond the immediate people I personally know (which comes from the books I have picked up). I personally can’t speak for everyone else, but 2018 is all about discomfort. I truly didn’t know the extent of how important it is to break your routine and generate a bit of discomfort, but it’s usually a reason that you’re sticking to what you’re doing. Part of that is because you’re scared to challenge that potential discomfort.

This is definitely one of those target-based blogs, but I’m personally writing this blog solely to motivate myself to blog AND PODCAST with a much more consistent process. Thankfully, my blogging brand has STILL been maintained, & of course the podcast brand has been a huge step to take that I absolutely value. I also want to let my readers know that I’m pushing very hard to bring worthwhile content while not forcing any thoughts whatsoever. It’s been a challenging road, but the good part is that I’m able to know that writing is in my DNA. I’ve got drafts written on paper, but thankfully they’re coming to the forefront of the WWW (that’s world wide web for the young folks who don’t even have a clue what that is). Nonetheless, I hope everyone enjoys reading this blog as much as I have writing it. I’ve got another blog to work on related to a similar discussion, & I hope the readers keep coming back for the blog, while the podcast listeners keep coming back for the weekly podcast episodes. Until next time, this is BT signing out.

Playing Pool Offline

I have to take you all back to a brief instance of what occurred while attending an event a few months ago. If you go back to the blog I talked about not being married here, you’ll remember I attended an alumni event at my alma mater known as the Salvation Army Boys & Girls Club. When the event ended, I had a conversation with one of the other kids who went to the club, & she talked about how attending the club helped her be a fan of playing pool. When I was young, I used to play pool consistently. There wasn’t a day I didn’t play pool at the boys & girls club. Most of the kids who play pool at the club NOW prefer to play bumper pool, but it’s bad enough they’re playing with one cue, but it’s just how kids now don’t value what they are with or without, but moving forward. One of the young ladies said that she has her own cue from playing pool @ the club. It made me wonder…why don’t I have my own. So I decided to treat myself & get a pool cue, case, chalk, chalk holder, glove (waiting on my red glove to come in), the whole nine. A week or two ago, I played pool @ one of the local pool halls called Greenleaf, & I invited a friend of mine. He felt like I invited him to hustle him in a game of pool. The truth was that I wanted to break in my cue and make sure that I can get a few skills going. You progress a few days later & you’re in this past week. I wasn’t having the greatest of weeks. It wasn’t the worst week. I haven’t been very vocal with all going on in my mental queue, but I was able to realize that my sister’s birthday had passed (who was set on fire). This year (March 27th) will be her 10 year anniversary, & I will break out of blogging retirement to address it. I’m kinda breaking out of retirement with this blog since I’m trying to be a podcaster. I also had a calendar reminder within my routine related to my other sister who passed over 2 years ago. I know death is a part of the circle of life. It’s a portion I don’t like to face or deal with. Even when my friends are trying to deal with it, I feel like I deal with it myself. Anyways, after I got off work Friday (despite having to work Saturday morning), I decided I needed an offline game of pool. So I picked up my pool cue & case:

…and decided to go play some pool. I even went as far as getting a cue tip so I don’t mess up the tip on the cue I own. Well, the first pool hall I went to is my normal stop. Since it was a Friday, EVERYBODY had the plan of going out to play pool. Not gonna lie…it happens. I then thought, where else could I go to play pool. I thought there was this other place that I saw online that had a pool hall. Not once did it cross my mind to head to a bowling alley and play some pool, but I was focused on going SOLELY to a pool hall. I jumped on the Waze app (FYI if you’re a directionally challenged person…it’s my go-to app. Twin…STILL clutch on that one). I hopped on the Waze and the next place it “claimed” to be a pool hall wasn’t even close to a pool hall, & that’s fine. I didn’t get too bent out of shape regarding the struggle with it because I had a bit of a focus on finding a good pool hall. I got in the car, put the pedal to the medal and found another pool hall. It was definitely the true definition of 2% regarding a place I didn’t even know existed. It’s called Diamond Billiards. While there, I was able to truly get into my groove of just being a pool player and taking a few shots. The one thing that was far from being a priority of mine was my cell phone. I didn’t care about anyone who texts or hit me up during that period. I had my watch on like I always do, but I hardly checked it. I was truly more in tune with improving my pool game. I found out that the night I went happened to be a night they had a 9-ball tournament. The guy who was beside was giving guys L’s left & right. He had on his glove (like I wear) & owned a couple of pool cues. I’m like “sir you’re too good for me.” I’m just trying to get out here and get my rust off my pool skills. I’m beginning to realize that pool is my true time to be offline and just enjoy life in my own weird way.

Today, however, I just found out that I have another true outlet that provides a worthwhile sanity. I have returned to the one place that generates mental friction but also produces a better Bryan. That place is the gym. My twin has a membership with:


Thankfully since she has a membership, she’s able to have a plus one so I can go to any American Family within Richmond, which is a HUGE thing when you think about it. It’s an opportunity to just jump out there on my days that I have free time and start getting myself into a routine of trying to get some form of progress into my routine.

I am gonna push harder and harder to work on making strides of attending and giving my routine to the gym along with pool because these tasks (among others) are the best way to take my mind out of the space that it enters sometimes. I feel like a weekly session of pool (along with 2-3 gym sessions per week to burn a couple of calories along with trying to “figure” out this eating lifestyle (not eating a bunch of air and rabbit food ONLY) are gonna be steps to lead to be a better Bryan. These are relevant to the brand of BT and what I have to work on to start 2018 off on the right foot. I’m not chalking January up as an L because there were PLENTY of W’s earned this month. I have some great ammo for the year in review starting off. I have to make sure I point those things out. Anyways, I am glad that you have taken time to read this blog (despite its length). As always, this is BT signing out. Until next time, take care.

Bryan, Where’s Your Wife?

Normally, I could give a very “Bryan” answer, & that be the end of this blog, but instead, I’ll break down this blog, what transpired, & be as transparent as possible.

I truly feel like just because certain things are supposedly assured doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re supposed to just happen if it isn’t time. Of course, this was triggered by a story, so if you have a blanket and a bed, you may wanna sit back & enjoy this true story. A few weeks ago (almost felt like months), I was part of an event @ the Boys & Girls Club that consisted fo an unveiling of the many changes that are in store for the future. The event & activity was great, yada yada ya, but I’m about to get into the conversation (as simple/direct as possible). A friend of mine hung out after the event & we talked about different things that we have been working on or trying to work (sometimes our jobs or even life for that matter have stopped them). Well, there was another friend of ours who was there that practically grew up with us at the club & I personally grew up with her from elementary school leading into my graduation of high school (she graduated a year later). Well, we were all standing around, & my other friends mom and she had a separate conversation that then carried over to us…Why have neither of us (the fellas) have gotten married? Now, mind you, my female schoolmate that I grew up with is currently single as well. So, my boy breaks down his reason saying that “Women are crazy”. I basically kinda had a silent moment, & became slightly delayed, but then put the pieces together on my reasoning. So my initial reason that I gave during this conversation is that I haven’t come across anyone who has even been in the spectrum of even thinking of marrying.

This will NOW go into the title and breakdown of this actual Blog (and now it’s time for a breakdown). I am gonna have plenty of fun with this. The only reason I will is because, as of right now, I have yet to meet “the wife” or “the one”. I’ve had women who I have dated, but have yet to see on that level or that extreme. I know that for me, marriage is scary. I was involved with one female a couple of times, but I was never able to see marriage or a true “future” while involved with her. I will say clearly and transparently that love was not in the cards to that extreme. Do I feel like I will find someone capable of marrying? Its possible. In the past few months, I have seen people get married, find that guy willing to propose, & introduce bundles of joy into their lives to name a few. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here looking at Christmas as another day on the calendar since I have to be to work in order to get triple pay. I’m not married to work, but I know that the maintenance is key since I have to remain employed. That’s kinda the way I look at it. I have been in my chill state of mind with dating or relationships right now, because everything over the past few years has been about Bryan & this thing he has called a “brand”. I may as well prepare this story, & also answer the all-important question…WHAT IS MY BRAND? I was hanging out about a week ago (week ago…yeah you may have missed that one), & someone sitting with my group I was hanging with asked why I was slow in drinking. Well, for starters, I drink socially. My other reason is that I’m all about me and my brand. So someone overheard that was there “hanging out to unwind” & I am trying to explain to him what my brand was and that went over their head. I basically had to make it clear that my brand is me. The thing is that when someone hears that you are your own brand, it causes you to sound or seem selfish. So, I will explain what my own brand is. If you go back to when you attended programs with grade school, and you were told that while you are on this trip, you represent yourself, your family, and all. Well, that mostly applies even @ the age of 35. When you are at work, off work with friends, with family, wherever, you sometimes have to maintain or represent your true character, which for some of us is a challenge because we don’t know who we are. So, the next question you are then entitled to is what does any of this have to do with this blog? Well, I’m glad you asked. Based on my brand and my thoughts towards marriage, I want to be with someone. I wanna be happy. I want all of the mopey love songs related to love & marriage and blah blah blah. The brand side of it is that I have to be open to meeting a woman who is willing to embrace and accept my brand. Most importantly, I have to be open to accepting and taking on their brand. Some people make their “brand” complicated, while others make it pretty simple, but come off as being a brand that they’re not. All I know is that the number one factor is that I’m not selling myself short in what I need to be doing running or chasing after love. The song is practically 20 years old, but when TLC was singing about “Waterfalls”, they were obviously talking about love. We chase and go after the wrong things with people and end up losing ourselves in the translation or transition. Love literally can make you do some crazy things. The important factor is to be happy. I think I placed enough musical references in there.

Now, Bryan’s specific reason as to why I’m not married. I hope my friend from the event reads this, & if not, you know I’m more than happy in being savage in sharing or tagging, because no one knows if they’re not told. I haven’t met anyone crazy enough to meet my crazy…first and foremost. Also, I know that no one is perfect, but for whatever reason, a woman wants the good guy with that “edge” that not everyone has. I’m not categorizing all women, because that is unrealistically impossible. However, I will say that the step that I usually have skipped when it came to relationships is the friendship aspect. I was friends with the person, but not long enough to really get and understand their layers or styles of why they do certain things. I think now that I have hit my 35 wall of dating, I am able to truly self-assess things much better as well as know that I have a lot to work on involving Bryan. The hardest thing for people as a whole is feedback. We don’t know what we’re doing wrong to run others away. Even worse is when we apologize or feel sorry when we ain’t do shit wrong. The latter is what Bryan has done totally wrong. And yes, I just talked about myself in 3rd person. If you knew me from years back, I was a pro @ speaking about Bryan in 3rd person, but I digress. I just did things wrong in various scenarios, & I didn’t see or realize what was or wasn’t being done right, & now I have taken all forms of criticism, regardless of how much it might hurt my little pride. Just have to man up & stay off that new website inmyfeelings.gov (yes that went over everyone’s head).

So in closing, loving someone else is great & getting married is even greater, but if there is no self love or self care, then you are wasting time and energy trying to be involved in love. If any of my friends have been on my blog transitions over the years, then you probably know that I’m guilty of writing about love and relationships, & that has changed with the years and practically with life (for good and smart reasons). This chain had to be broken in order to make it clear that I would love to meet someone and sweep them off their feet and woo them. I’m also not gonna do it while knowing that the battle has erupted into a war that I didn’t ask for to begin with. As always, thanks for reading the blog. I have shared this with a couple of people who follow the blog offline, but I will likely leave the link or a way of hearing the show, but this year’s “year in review” for 2017, for starters will be AWESOME. However, it will NOT be a blog, & I will explain that reason in the PODCAST that I plan on sharing. All I can tell you is to watch out. Until next time, this is BT signing out. Take it easy.

The Generation Gap (pt. 1 BT style)

I’ve had a bit of a delay in working on this specific blog, but I feel like I need to upgrade my draft to an actual blog (and here we are). Might as well make things happen & literally knock it out. I didn’t know how to find the best ways to compare specific generations, but then I thought about a reference that Cam Newton, Tom Brady, & Colin Cowherd all combine into this. So, if you do or don’t understand sports, you may know more than anything that Tom Brady played in the NFL in 2000. For many of you who are curious about my age, that was the year I graduated high school. What’s insane is that @ that time, technology wasn’t even close to taking over our lives the way it does today. Kids today really would have been hurt by the idea of imaginations or generating dreams, mentally. You’re forced to sometimes sit back & really look @ the big picture. Colin Cowherd said it best. A quarterback from 2000 compared to a quarterback drafted to the NFL in 2011, there’s going to be a HUGE generation gap & cultural gap that’s not seen immediately. I remember a friend of mine talking about how you would have an MP3 player & a cellular phone separately. Here it is now that you can talk to someone on the phone, surf the Internet, & even play music or even send text messages, all @ one time. The truth is that there are major generation transitions of people. The challenge that is surpassed is how one generation deals with something compared to another generation. The most immediate example I can think of involves communication. People who are in their late 20s and 30s & obviously 40s communicate by actually sitting down & talking to each other when there’s something they truly need to address. Granted, we will utilize our resources such as text messaging, Facebook messenger, or various chat programs that are available. However, if there is something SERIOUS  we need to address, we don’t have a problem with taking our conversation to either a phone call or a face to face conversation. I think that many of the younger kids are seen to talk to each other through text message ONLY. I have witnessed it first hand where a group of kids could be sitting together & nobody will actually talk to each other. Instead, they will all text each other & oddly talk about someone else in the midst of that circle without the other person knowing it. Granted, kids will utilize group chats to their max potential, but it’s still not the best way to talk to someone. What’s going to hurt a lot of them is that they can read and talk emoji, but can’t speak ENGLISH & actually talk to someone who could possibly do an interview with them. I feel like kids now are able to be given the tools for success, but they don’t see or get it until it’s too late. What’s interesting is how you can help or try to tell kids something & they think you’re trying to mess with their style or something when all you’re trying to do is educate them on the things you did wrong in order to learn from the mistakes. What’s amazing is that the same thing happens with the generation before us. I think about my mother telling me a bunch of things that I didn’t pay attention to, but I am also trying to help other people know what I did wrong in order to improve on those specific things I did wrong. It’s not even about this whole ” I know everything” analogy because I feel like regardless of age, you never stop learning. That’s how I see it at least.

Now for the title of “Generation Gap”. I briefly addressed based on a couple of athletes being drafted in 11 years apart, but not being able to know or understand what someone is or isn’t going through. Then I also addressed how history repeats itself between generations. However, the “gap” between the older generation and the younger generations who are trying to keep the older individuals up to speed. I personally have to deal with this between my parents & even my siblings. Before you ask, yes, this is another “layer lowering” blog of sharing who & how I am. What I want to say is that it’s one of the biggest challenges of trying to talk to someone about what you are or aren’t going through and how you are able to get through various things. The challenge therein lies towards being able to utilize communication and relation. This may require both sides to bend a little. This may mean that the child could possibly have to take a second or two and put that phone down and listen to a message. The older individual may have to have the child turn the phone down or place it on the table. Challenge people. I think what’s scary & tough is that nobody wants to push or make someone do something outside of their comfort zone. That’s what I’ve seen at least. We sometimes get into our comfort zone & don’t want to do anything more than we’re required to. When we are pushed to our max (doesn’t matter the generation) we get scared or uncomfortable. What people as a whole fail to realize is that you can sometimes reverse something small that another person may look at as the worst thing possible. Adults, I’m not saying that you need to run out and talk text and start sending emojis (please don’t do that…our generation has that mostly covered). Instead, take that moment or two to just sit and relate to the younger generation. They’re not bad kids. I really feel like this will be a podcast-based topic that I think would help to have a wave of generations to simplify the conversation. That would ease & put it more into perspective. No one is saying that you’ll get every portion or piece of it right. That’s something that I learned when growing up while attending the Boys & Girls Club. The staff did take that time to learn and understand where a child was mostly coming from. It caused a true ease of pain. That’s at least the way I see it.

After sitting & going over the full story, I’m gonna write this blog & leave it from the “BT point of view”, but then I will go ahead & break it down based on the difference between various generations (could possibly turn into a podcast) & come back to you, because this is an unfinished thought & I wanna be sure that I don’t leave this blog unsurfaced, because it is an issue that no one is willing to take on, but someone has to get to the bottom of why there are conflicts and distances between generations. I think if any of y’all know me, it’s that I make it my goal to be fair & balanced across the board with my thoughts in some manner. That’s the way it has to go sometimes. I think my next blog will be the one that might shock a couple of people, because I’ve addressed relationships, but I have yet to address the big question…WHERE IS SHE? WHY AM I NOT MARRIED? I’m gonna have fun with that one. I just hope that I don’t hurt or tear some feelings up on that one. All I can say is that I have control over the truth, but I don’t have control over my filter and how random my thoughts may go with that blog. Until next time, BT signing out.